Springtime has always been a time for me to reevaluate where I am in life, revisit my goals I’ve set, and reboot if necessary. What better time than to start in March since it is Women’s Empowerment Month. International Women’s Day just happened and International Day of Happiness is just around the corner. I’m not one to burn bridges, but I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to do just that. I took a stand for my well-being and exited a toxic environment. The weight lifted off my shoulders made me Instahappy.
It’s so easy for me to fall into a familiar pattern even if I know in my heart it’s not healthy for me. I’m sure you’ve come across some people, who no matter how much you do for them, will never appreciate you and will always nit-pick at anything. As a recovering people pleaser, I still fall into the trap of giving people the benefit of the doubt. I foolishly think my efforts to do my best will be acknowledged with kindness and respect, but what typically happens, is I fall short of unexpressed expectations and I’m left feeling defeated and angry with myself that I am in this situation.
Being the good girl I am, historically I would absorb the responsibility that somehow, I created the toxic environment. I believe that when situations are already established, there are dynamics already at play. The rules were already established and it’s up to the new person to figure out how to navigate the mine fields already in place. Other times, there are situations that are created between people and the roles are fluid and not specifically defined. This makes it hard to steer the course as it’s ever-changing, but an easy to own up to the participation level and accountability.
So I asked myself, if I burn this particular bridge, will it affect me in the long run or if I allow the barrage of emotional abuse to continue, will that destroy my sense of self? Have any of the bridges I’ve kept intact helped me along the way?
The answer is NO.
Keeping a footpath for the sake of being polite and not standing up for myself has NEVER proven to be beneficial.
I really had nothing to lose, except my self-respect. It was clear that the manner, tone and behavior I was subjected to, was NOT okay.
Maybe I’m too polite and I want people to think of me as easy-going, non-confrontational and pleasant to be around. In the right environment, I am actually all those things. However, I showed up to an environment that was already toxic and dysfunctional and there was NO way I could reverse the years of tyranny, control and bullying.
Kindness and respect was not part of their vocabulary or nature. They couldn’t recognize it if it hit them over the head. I tell my kids to treat others with heartfelt kindness and acknowledge that other people might not be in the same state of happiness, but do your best to not let their negative attitude affect you. If you find yourself complaining about your situation or feel like your energy is low and your state of being is less than optimal, then THAT is your signal to make a change.
So I did.
I wish I had stood up for myself sooner. Those close to me know all too well the stress I was under. Everything does happen in its own way and on its own time. I guess I needed the time to get reassurance from my inner self along with my circle of friends to get with the March Reboot Program and just do it.
Are you going through a challenging time and need reassurance to know you’re not alone?
You can do it!
You’re resourceful and resilient.